Sunday, 23 August 2015

Wandering Souls

As of today,
Right now in the midst of days,
I wish to disappear without a trace,
To not be found and not be chased.

I wish to become naught,
But a wandering soul.
One which lingers in and around,
People's most precious hours.

I wish to feel their joy and excitement,
Their distrust and disappointment,
The hurt and the sorrow.
But once pierced by it,
I also wish to disconnect and float away.

For how enchanting an experience it would be,
To be aware and lucid,
To be deprived and fulfilled,
All together, at the same time.

The essence of my soul would wander,
Uninhibited and unrestrained.
It would fly across the galaxies,
Collide with a thousand others, unbound and free.

The sadness that filled me would be gone.
The peace and calm that I sought, mine.
I would not have much,
But the group of wandering souls,
That would always accompany me. 

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Breathe out

Take a pause,
Take a minute,
Take a second even.
Close your eyes,
And breathe it all in.
Think of all the beautiful things in your life.

Too dark to see?
Find one joyful thought,
One patronus worthy memory.
Replay it in your mind again and again,
Till you feel how you felt that time.
Let that smile blossom on your face,
Be aware of the rush of blood to your cheeks,
The warmth flowing in your veins,
Allow the arms of joy to embrace you once again.

Now breathe the rest out,
Let out that feeling of wretchedness and despair,
Let the winds carry it with them,
Onto to the next scene of tragedy.

Take a day,
Take a month,
Take a second only.
Close your eyes,
Breathe in,
And think of the people you love.

Remember the ways you made them laugh,
Remember the way they made you feel.
Think of those who might need you,
Who wouldn't want to live without you.

Now imagine them being gone,
Imagine the emptiness you would feel,
And let this imaginary pain rip you apart.
Feel this pain and sense of loss.
Remember this pain and sense of loss,
For you will be the one causing it,
If you give yourself away.

So breathe out,
Open your eyes,
Look into the cold glass reflection.
Put that mode of self destruction down,
Walk away from the smashed mirror.
Go fall into the arms of someone,
Who wouldn't want to live without you.

Sunday, 9 August 2015

Four Years

Mid-way through our more than usual giggle fit, she abruptly stopped, looked up at the ceiling and said, "My tickets are booked. I leave in two weeks."

The room went eerily quiet as we let the news of her leaving, sink in. It felt as if the walls of the room we shared, were also quivering with fear of abandonment, of being left behind once again. Now the sound of our laughter was nothing more than an echo, resonating the inevitable lack of it. We lay next to each other in silence, struggling to find the right words, knowing it was a useless endeavour. No words could soothe this feeling of dread, of not knowing what the future held.

I rolled up next to her and held her. For a brief moment, it seemed as if my gesture was not to be returned. But then her small, soft arms slowly cradled me and warmed my bones. We held each other tightly, as if we were trying to prevent pieces of us from falling off, trying to prevent us from falling apart. Just like we had for the past four years.