Lootgayi after Lootera

Today I found out what being speechless, really means. To experience something that sinks into your soul so deeply that you discover a depth to your being that you never even knew existed, forget being touched.

That is what I felt after watching Lootera. A film that creeps into your system shot by shot and by the end, captures you entirely. She is unbelievably simple yet expressive. Her beauty is one of uniqueness and a rarity, and you don’t even know why you find her so breathtaking. You fall for a character that you don’t even know yet. Her grace, her charm, the expression of slyness is all wrapped up perfectly in just her eyes.

I still don’t know what exactly has moved me so. But I feel like I lived her life, I felt her joy when she first laid eyes on him; I felt her childish excitement every time she saw him; I felt her anger, her desire, her love, and then her feeling of utter betrayal. Then I experienced her confusion and her love being reborn, rising from a dark grave of anger and hurt.

I feel like I’ve known her all my life and even then, she confuses me and bedazzles me at the same time.

He is the picture of the untypical angry young man. He’s bad but not by choice. He loves her, but not by choice. He rips her heart from her chest, but not out of his own accord. His entire life is dictated by him not having the power of choice. Yet, you don’t know whether to feel sorry for him when she unleashes her anger on to him or to hate him for being the cause of that hurt and anger.

Now, I feel its grip and the trance wearing off, as I type every letter, its fading. A part of me wants it to go away and give me back my heart and my head, but another part of me wants to hold on to this feeling of….being so overwhelmed.

Lootera stole something from me. What I have no idea honestly, but I feel as if a part of my soul has been taken from me. Not ripped from me, but given unwillingly. As if I had absolutely no choice in the matter.

Choices

Life gets difficult sometimes and there's nothing you can do about it. But sometimes, you sit and wonder about the choices you've made and whether they were the right ones and if not, then what would life have been like? You never truly understand the value of a choice until its made. 


But is there really something like the 'right choice'? Or are they just a variety of choices, where each one leads you down a different path? Maybe its all about destiny and none of it is in our hands. Or maybe, everything is in our hands and destiny is constantly changing according to the paths we choose! 


Bottom line is, it doesn't bloody matter what it all means or what it will lead to! There is absolutely NO use for those tarot cards or crystal balls or fortune of the day! Because all that matters, are your choices. And how do you make those? You think in the moment, think about what will make you truly happy without any strings attached. The rest of it, throw it up in the air and let it blow away with the wind! 

Feeling

I wrote this after I had learnt how to ride a bike. One of the best days of my life. 

I felt like I was feeling for the first time.

I was moving,
And for once the body felt mine.
I was free,
I was high,
I was saying goodbye.
Goodbye to the hard days,
Goodbye to the heart ache,
Goodbye to being worried.
With my hair whipping in the wind,
I turned around to see,
That my past had stopped following me.
My road was bright and clear,
The dirt was washed away by the new rain.
The drops that had found their way to my soul,
Had cleansed it whole.
Now I feel happy,
I feel like this is how I'm supposed to be.
Scarred, broken and crazy,
Healed, beautiful and wise.
In all the mess,
I had found my pattern, my path.

Rewind the Unwinding

I wrote this while I was sitting, idle, in class. The teacher was going on about something I couldn't bring myself to care about like MOSFET(Electronics for those of you who are privileged to be ignorant). I was thinking about the road trip that my friends and I were going to make that weekend. Here goes...

There's a place for you and me,

Far across the sea.

Leaving everything behind,

Let's look forward to how the road unwinds.

Take me step by step,

To explore the very depths.

Cut all the ropes and strings,

Search for what happiness really brings.

Feel yourself melt into the wind,

Every part of you limb by limb.

Let your hopes run wild,

And take that leap like a child.

Forget yourself and your system,

Just exist without a reason.

Appreciate what you have,

Accept what you lack.

Find reason in this chaos,

Give way to your inner peace.

You will then see,

How beautiful the world can be...

Spider's Web

This is something I had written a long time back. Felt like sharing it now, for some unknown reason. Here goes :)

Just say that it was all a lie,
That you were the spider and I was the fly.
I was flying free, on my own,
But you spun your web and made it look like home.
With your loving words and silvery threads,
I was hooked and there was nothing more to be said,
'Cause I was a fly caught in a spider's web.
All the things you said and never meant,
I was a fool and now the words have left a dent.
Is there any way out of this nightmare?
As my heart can no longer bear the scare.
Now my heart, it just won't men,
Was it all worth it in the end?
The silence comforts me now,
While you're full of laughter, how?
If she makes you happy I guess I shouldn't mind,
But if only she was that kind.
Soon you'll be back with your tail between your legs,
I bet she's going to make you beg.
But when you come back broken hearted,
I won't be here to get you sorted.

Glee!

Its been a long time since I've been here, so hello! I recently found myself remembering this blog and wondering how to restart it. But I guess that just doesn't happen, if you keep waiting for something worth writing about, to come along. So here I am, completely oblivious as to what I'm going to write about next.

How about I talk about what I was doing before I came here? Glee. One of the most awe-inspiring sitcoms EVER! What's not to love about it? The music, the characters, the MUSIC! Oops, did I mention that already?:P
I watched Glee like an addict the first two seasons. When the third one came out I was just NOT in the mood to watch Rachel prancing about, singing the classic 'I Feel Pretty'. But then I came home and fell sick and had nothing to do. So I opened my laptop and started watching Glee, out of curiosity as to what they had come up with this season. And oh my oh my my my! It was like someone threw glitter in the air and everything brightened and seemed happier! Before I knew it, I was sitting up, and singing loudly(and badly) and swaying to an amazing mash-up of 'Someone Like You' and 'Rumour Has It' by Adele, my favorites! :D

I guess its something to do with watching people, who have such big issues and things to deal with, singing and believing in themselves. It really reminds you of how special music is and the effects it can have on people. :)

Till next time! XOXO

First Day

Well. To begin with, I'm not supposed to be doing this right now. As of now I'm supposed to be studying for a mega huge test for tomorrow, which is oddly, a sunday. But as my teacher said today, and this is something I dare not repeat to my mom, is that one should never study the day before the test, it just won't help. But to be honest, that is not the only reason I'm not studying, I'm just really bored. How much can you read on Grignard's reagent? No. I'm not a geek. Just a girl, in India, learning about science, learning about life, learning about herself. :)